Friday, August 1, 2014

HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI (1965)

The Beach series really fell off the rails on this one.  Released just two months(!!!) after BEACH BLANKET BINGO, HTSAWB is a unfunny pile of dolphin testicles.  Frankie Avalon is now a sailor.  Stationed in Tahiti, he's knee deep in pussy.  One day, a native girl that he's banging playfully mentions that his girlfriend Dee Dee (Annette) is probably getting lots of strange dick while he's away.  This infuriates Frankie so he hires a witch doctor (Buster Keaton) to have a bird spy on Annette and send a girl that can stuff a wild bikini to steal all the attention from the boys.  Meanwhile, Mickey Rooney and Brian Donlevy are ad execs searching for the "boy and girl next door" for an advertising campaign.  The male winner of the campaign Dobie Gillis, I mean, Dwayne Hickman falls for Annette, but Mickey and Brain have their sights set on the witchdoctor's decoy...and so does Eric Von Zipper.

That might not sound too bad, but trust me, it's a fucking snoozefest.  All of the jokes are D.O.A., the acting is stale and the songs!  Oh my god, they suck.  Forced, lifeless, talentless and torture to listen to.  In the older films the songs mostly had a natural feel to them, whether it was Frankie and Annette walking on the beach together or a band in the clubhouse, but here there songs just come out of nowhere.  People are talking then suddenly "The perfect boy doesn't have to be a Hercules (Hercules).  The perfect boy doesn't have to be Euripides ('ripdies)."  Euripides?!! Hahahaha!  Sadly, that's probably the best song in the movie, but those lyrics cracked me up.

Lame musical numbers, unfunny jokes, overacting, stupid story, Annette wearing tons of clothing since she was pregnant during the filming, Frankie reduced to probably less than 10 minutes of screentime, stupid motorcycle race finale, weak end credits without any go-go dancing.  The only funny thing was Eric Von Zipper and the Rats and they weren't that funny.  Skip it with a vengeance.

Part 1 - Beach Party
Part 2 - Muscle Beach Party
Part 3 - Bikini Beach
Part 4 - Pajama Party
Part 5 - Beach Blanket Bingo
Part 7 - The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini
Part 8 - Back to the Beach

Thursday, July 31, 2014

BEACH BLANKET BINGO (1965)

Once again Frankie, Annette and the gang are hanging out at the beach without a care in the world.  Not a lot of surfing is going on, more dancing that anything and then boom out of the sky a new female singing sensation (Linda Evans) comes parachuting in and lands in the ocean.  Frankie pulls her out of the water and is proclaimed a hero.  Naturally, this makes Annette jealous.  Next thing you know they've decided to go parachuting themselves, but when Frankie starts getting flirty with the female instructor, Annette responds by hanging out with the male instructor.  At the same time Jody McCrea falls in love with a mermaid,  Eric Von Zipper falls for Linda Evans and Buster Keaton dances with the ultrasexy Bobbie Shaw.

Typical Beach movie shenanigans happen: dancing, singing (all of the songs were great, I really liked Frankie and Annette's playfulness in "I Think You Think", "He's My New Love" was another highlight), but things were also just a tiny bit more serious.  When Frankie rejects the female instructors advance she rips her shirt and accuses him of sexual assault!!  Also Von Zipper kidnaps Linda Evans (or "I'm putting the snatch on you." as he says), but then later she's kidnapped again by Timothy Carey who tries to attack her with a hammer and chop her in half with a lumber saw.  There's also a side-boob, which I think is a first for the Beach films.

All in all, BBB a fun film.  The skydiving scenes were disappointing since all they were were just wide shots of random people skydiving.  Honestly, I wish they would have just cut the entire skydiving bit and replaced with with something going on at the beach.  Other than that, it's a entertaining ride.

Part 1 - Beach Party
Part 2 - Muscle Beach Party
Part 3 - Bikini Beach
Part 4 - Pajama Party
Part 6 - How to Stuff a Wild Bikini
Part 7 - The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini
Part 8 - Back to the Beach